Five Things To Say To A Loved One With Infertility

1. Tell us “I’m here for you,” and prove that by showing up. Listen to what we have to say and don't try to fix it. Sometimes all we need is a shoulder to cry on with someone who knows we're having a tough day even if you can't relate to the reason.

2. “I’m proud of you” from a loved one, or even a stranger, is validating. It acknowledges the strength it takes to carry the emotional weight of an infertility journey. A journey that will never end with a successful pregnancy, adoption, or decision not to pursue parenthood. Those are amazing, and yet difficult, milestones that are reminders of what it took to get to where we are now.

3. Telling us we “are unique, beautiful, and brave” is similar yet just as important as telling us you are proud of us. We often don't feel any of these because infertility can make us feel worthless and like we're failing. Validating the struggle and reminding us we're unique, beautiful, and brave is a huge show of support.

4. “I know you’re hurting” is an acknowledgment of the pain. An "I see you" in assuring us we're not alone when we feel our lowest.

5. Ask “How can I help?” instead of assuming that something is helpful. This mainly refers to comments like "just relax", "just adopt" or "have you tried x, y, or z." Don't assume you know what's helpful. If you know the person well enough, offer to do something you know they'll appreciate. Sometimes, you can go as far as just doing things like plowing their driveway, mowing their lawn, grocery shopping, making dinner, taking them out for drinks or coffee, etc.